In our last two editions of the popular Lovelines, we discussed the ‘…search of life partner,’ and then ‘love and marriage…’ To balance the equation, it is important that we take a step or two further to explore the essentials of marriage. If you are still either a bachelor or spinster, it is close to obligation that you know these, as probably might be planning to get married soon. This period (the Holy Month of Ramadan) could be perfect time for us to sit and talk about love in an Islamic point of view, as preferred by the Almighty Allah.

Marriage is a gift; a special bond between a man and a woman (husband and wife).  Much has been written about how we should behave towards our spouses after marriage, but no teaching is more appropriate than the teachings of the Qur’an and the Sunnah. A spouse has been described as "a partner, companion and best friend." The closeness between spouses is unlike any other relationship.

So let’s start with faith. The most important thing about a Muslim marriage is the common faith that binds the couple. It is when a marriage lacks this faith that distrust prevails, and one is bound to say, "I don’t trust my wife, or ‘I don’t trust my husband.’

Since Islam is a complete way of life, not just a religion confined to periodical worshiping, faithfulness becomes an integral part of a Muslim’s life. That frame of reference shared by the couple eases communication and sharing of values that are not possible in interfaith marriages. Therefore, note that faith plays a crucial role in the development of a loving relationship.

According to Prophet Muhammad (pbh), when a husband feeds his wife, he gets a reward for the act, and Allah increases the bond of love between them. This means that if we love each other for the sake of Allah, we surely increase our faith.

One of the good attributes of a happy marriage is that the spouses should be able to forget and forgive; they shouldn’t hold grudges or act judgementally towards each other. It is expected that sometimes when we live with someone, situations may arise when we end up saying or doing things that hurt them. We should not lay blame but to move past it. Do we know how this can happen? Only if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness; so do not be stingy in forgiveness.

One of the most useful tools to have in managing a healthy lifestyle is forbearance. Being patient and forbearing will put us in proactive frame of mind. This will bring one closer to Allah. So many couples make themselves unnecessarily miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little. One thing, we shouldn’t allow our spouses to be our subjects. They have their own personalities, likes and dislikes.

Other essential attribute of marriage is friendship. This part has three components, according to some marriage counsellors. First and foremost, develop a friendship with your spouses, because a relationship that is based on friendship is more likely to withstand outside pressures (from friends, relations and others). Accept, trust, honour and care for your friend, in spite of your differences. These are the aspect of friendship we should bring to our marriages.

The second part of friendship is to have good relations with the in-laws. This is an aspect that causes most relationships to crumble. When couples compete as to whose parents are more important, it becomes a constant source of grief.

Fair, usually when we are angry or displeased the tendency is to be unfair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is okay to be unjust in our behaviour and our statements. To use words such as "never" and "always" when describing the behaviour of the partner is unfair and puts the other on the defensive.

Finance – money is one of the most common points of contention in marriages. Experts tell us that 80 percent of marital conflicts are about money.

Feelings, the Prophet of Allah, Muhammad, stated that Allah forgives all sins if we repent but not those we have committed against others; i.e. hurt their feelings unless the person we have hurt forgives us first. Couples are sometimes very careless when it comes to their spouse's feelings; they take them for granted and assume that the other knows what they mean.

Freedom; religiously, marriage is a partnership and not a source of bondage or slavery. To consider the wife as one's property is alien to the religion of Islam; especially so considering the Islamic concept of husband and wife.

Flirtation: A sure way to keep romance in marriage is to flirt with your spouse. Many successful marriages have maintained a youthful demeanour in their marriages by adopting special pet names for each other and secret communication styles…etc.

You have to be frank. A misunderstanding happens when couples are not honest with each other. Marital relationship is where the partners must feel safe to speak their mind with due consideration to the other's feeling, without compromising their own views. When the communication is not frank it hinders the development of closeness and deep understanding of each other's inner self.

Facilitator: When choosing our life partner, we must, as the Prophet advised, look for a pious Muslim. The reason is that the first and foremost goal is the pleasure of Allah. This commitment to Allah makes them an excellent facilitator for enhancing their partner's spiritual development. In essence, the couple facilitates their family's commitment to Allah and His religion.

To be all one can be to one's spouse is a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. To be in love means to give one's all. The heart does not put conditions or make stipulations. It gives without expecting anything in return, but such selfless giving is always rewarded abundantly. It often happens that our expectations sometimes are so high that we lose focus of the fact that we are fallible beings. When couples start to nitpick and demand the impossible they must remind themselves that only Allah is perfect.

So many times couples fail to work on developing fond for each other by failing to see their spouses as people through the eyes of their respective friends. And last but not the least is future. Smart couples plan for their future together. They work on their financial and retirement plans, make wills and discuss these plans with their children. This provides peace of mind and secures the relationship.

Ahappy marriage is built upon a sound foundation

Following our last discussion: ‘In search of a life partner’ - I would like to proceed with ‘Love and marriage’ as ordained by the Almighty Allah.
 
Today, Lovelines goes one step further, sounding the views of some Islamic scholars on this very important subject. The scholars were almost unanimous in their effort to link the word ‘love’ to the phrase ‘I want to marry’. If you do not have meanings of the two words, you would continue perambulating till God’s kingdom come, some one posited.

Allah says: “And we have made for them spouses and progeny.” The Holy Prophet, Muhammad (SAW), said: “I swear by Allah. I am the most God fearing and devout person among you; nevertheless I fast as well as break my fast, I pray as well as rest, and I marry women. Whoever desires something other than my Sunnah is not from me.”

Getting married is a response to Allah’s call, where He says: “Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among your slaves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will enrich them from His bounty: for Allah encompasses all, and He knows all things.”  

It also could be a response to the Prophet’s call, when he says: “O assembly of young men, whoever among you has the wherewithal to marry should do so, because it helps to lower the gaze and safeguards the chastity of the private parts. Whoever is not able to marry must fast, because fasting diminishes sexual power.”
This is why `Umar said: “Whoever calls you to eschew marriage is calling you to something other than Islam.”

The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) elevated marital life and intimacy between a husband and wife to the level of worship, saying: “When one of you has relations with his wife, it is an act of charity. None of you spends anything without Allah rewarding you for it, even a morsel of food that you place in your wife’s mouth.”

Ahappy marriage is built upon sound foundations, and it has the potential to strengthen a nation, renewing the vigour of its youth core, providing it with robust future generations. The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) said again: “Marry fertile and loving women, for I would have our population increased in this way.” A happy marriage is also an opportunity for different families to come together and for people of different cities and lands to know one another.

Alove-happiness relation study was conducted by a psychologist, and it revealed that ‘women were more likely to be completely happy than men, and that they were also more likely to be utterly miserable than their men counterparts. If a woman enjoys the essentials of a happy life – a good home, an upright husband, children, and health – then she is likely to be happy and contented. Conversely, if she is denied these rights, she can easily succumb to depression and despair to a degree that men are unlikely to ever experience.’

Of course, success and failure in marriage is a very subjective issue. What one person sees as a successful marriage, another man might view as a total failure. Nevertheless, there are some factors which are generally agreed upon which can be used as a basis for discussion. For instance, a marriage wherein the wife has no respect for her husband and no concern for his reputation can hardly be seen as a successful marriage. Likewise, no one would dare attempt to describe as successful a marriage where the husband neglects his household and abandons his wife and children in order to pursue his personal interests.

Amarriage might start off successfully, and then fail. Alternatively, a marriage might start off as a failure, but with the efforts of both spouses, ends up right. What is desired is for marriage to be a way for people to find security and happiness. The most successful of marriages is the marriage that provides worldly happiness while helping to facilitate our happiness in the Hereafter. According to one of our scholars of the week, there are three factors that are absolutely critical for success: communication, love, and sacrifice. From this starting point, the following steps can be taken to realize marital happiness:

Steps for marital happiness
Try to know the obstacles that people must confront in their married life, the factors that lead to failure, and how to overcome them.
Cultivate your reliance upon Allah and your awareness that He is close to us. Having such awareness is one of the causes of salvation.
Develop willpower.

How to develop your willpower?
The following questions might help reach the solution to this.
How promptly do I embark upon good and virtuous deeds?
How optimistic am I?
How patient and forbearing am I when faced with problems?
How well do I control my anger?
How to strengthen our willpower?
We must strengthen our faith in Allah. We must focus on cultivating our faith in His most noble attributes and in His divine determination of all affairs.

We must strive to purify our souls and we must engage in as much worship as we can.
Psychologists have confirmed that using a systematic approach of self-inspiration is the most effective way to strengthening our willpower. An Islamic program of restoring marital bliss would have to include the following:

•Transformation of pain into happiness and of adversity into opportunity by being content with Allah’s decree.
•Supplications and penitence. How many obstacles to marital bliss have been overcome with prayer?

•Looking at matters in a simple light. Experience has shown us that the more simple and straightforward view we take, the easier our problems are to solve. We should not go overboard in our depiction of our circumstances and our complaints. We should not seek to blacken the past. Our goals can only be reached by remaining levelheaded and patient.
•Establishing a proper time and place for frank and open discussion where each party is mentally prepared to listen to what the other has to say and to speak in a calm and decent manner. Many problems have been overcome in this way. Indeed all problems can be discussed and openness brings relief.
 
NOTE:
Dr. `Abd al-Rahmân Habannakah al-Maydânî, in his book ‘Islamic Morals and their Foundations,’ offers some guidelines by which we may assess the strength of our willpower.

Self aggrandisement, whatever good work one might be doing, has the off-putting effect of derailing the significance of one’s contribution.

In fact, repeatedly praising oneself suggests two, if not more, possibilities; it is either that one is doing what they are doing for the primary reason of merely pleasing society, or to merely attract society’s attention in pursuit of worldly pleasure. What is of more significance though is to do things because they are supposed to be done for the betterment of the general good. This has been the underlining principle, especially within the last few months, at the Daily Observer.

Our readers will attest to the obvious fact that the Daily Observer rarely writes in praise of our evidently relentless efforts in changing this society of ours for the better good. Yet we  often get an avalanche of letters from our readers, doing exactly that: thanking us for our “positiveness in outlook; our patriotic inclination; our effort in portraying a better and united Africa” and so on and so forth. Such commendations in fact come from outside the country almost as frequently as they do from within. From information we have gathered, many tourists rely on our website to decide their coming to this country. This means something great to us.

However, we will be wrong if we are to imply here that we do not receive mails critical of what we are doing. But this is not in any sense abnormal because nobody would expect that society would exclusively approve of what they are doing. That will be the greatest of whimsical thinking.   

Certainly, our line of approach may not represent the interest and ideals of some people. While others may not be in line with our editorial policy, for others, the quality of our paper, in terms of grammar, had been a nightmare. And one such person, until last Wednesday, had been Mr Foday Baldeh, who was nonetheless genuine enough to admit the tremendous improvement the paper has registered, as explained in a front page article  of last Wednesday’s edition.

We just want to reassure the general readership, both locally and internationally, that we shall remain true to these values that have continued to attract commendations. Our inspiration is drawn from an endless reservoir of passion guided by wisdom; love and loyalty to the nation and its leadership, as well as the wishes of you, the readers.

The issue of getting married is an open debate to which everyone can contribute. In the beginning, things are generally rosy and cosy with few bumps. However, as time passes by problems begin to crop up.

How faithful are you when it comes to religion? We should always bear in mind that the doctrine of religion is very important, be you a Muslim or Christian. The two Holy Books have pointed out in several verses how we should choose and from where to choose when it comes to marriage.

Women are not the only ones who suffer when it comes to separation, divorce and other problems in marriage; men also do. But women are more affected and they cry foul the most because they are generally considered to be more emotional. For men, life continues. Their social orientation compels them to bear and take things as they come.

Okay, getting back to our subject; you want to get hitched; have you found time to ask yourself why you want to get married to your future partner? Consider some of the letters from readers on this column.

Is it that you want to marry in order to combat loneliness? Is it to avenge a wrong, to torment someone, to show off or to become a rich person? Do you simply want to get married because others are? Reflect seriously on this.

For everything under the sun, there is a purpose. Almighty Allah’s purpose for marriage is for companionship, love, caring, procreation, and honour. Read the two available Holy Books (Qu’ran and Bible). Better still consult Imams in the mosques and priests in the churches for more advice. They are the ones left behind by the prophets to take us round and show us the way.

There is nothing wrong with deliberating on an issue to find a solution. Note that, if your motive is wrong, nothing good can come out of it. Even the holy books support this.

In searching for a life-partner, let Almighty Allah’s purpose come first.
At this stage if I may say so, you will have to go back to Allah because He is the best matchmaker and can get you your partner, anywhere, anyhow.

When it comes to love, I do not and you should not erase prayers when a search is on. As a woman, if a man approaches you and you think you love him, you should always pray thus: "Almighty Allah, I wish (pray) that this man should propose and love me more, I want to marry him."

And if you are a man: "Oh God, I pray I should get this lady" or "Bi’llahi, if I can get this lady, I will be a very happy man!"

Is it loneliness that compels you to search for a soul mate? You’re entitled to one. I ask again, are you on a revenge mission? If yes, you are not a good candidate for marriage. This is because your heart will not soften; when the right man/woman comes, you will be consumed with such venom that your inner eyes and ears, which are needed for such a search, are closed.

Everyone should know that love is big and it is one of the greatest gifts from God, not money. Money is ephemeral, but love is eternal. And this can be if you put your trust in the Almighty Allah. Go for love, shun thirst for riches and see what happens when you pick the right choice. For everyone who seeks a mate sincerely, you will surely get that by knowing the purpose of wanting to marry that man or woman, because Allah has created each and everyone of us with a right partner. The main cause of our shouting foul is because human beings are not content with whatever comes their way.

Everyone is yearning for marriage but most cannot stay in marriage. Many of the marriages are not up to five years old before breaking up. There are some marriages now that fold up without witnessing a year’s anniversary. Relationships or marriages require a lot of patience, that’s one of the reasons why we need courtship, because it will allow you to study each other and know who you’re, and how couples will tackle thing when there is any misunderstanding.

People may be wondering if it is the men or the women that often divorce, but, in fact, it is both of them. In a relationship, one expects that one of the partners ought to be calm, even if the other is aggressive. But that does not justify cheating by anyone. Above all whatever one desires when it comes to marriage, it should be for a purpose – exercise of patience, and tolerance. Know that most stolen affairs always end unhappily. Don’t let that married woman/man deceive you.

Finally, know that adultery can destroy your marriage; not everyone is patient enough to accept and overlook intruders into their affairs. Do not marry for revenge, stay away from the man or woman who is not meant for you, who is there just to take you away from your partner.

This is the Holy Month of Ramadan, during which many rush to marry, only to find out, a few months later, that it is difficult to stay and love each other as in the beginning. Let not the emotional string loosen because love is full of temptations. Put your trust in God. He is always there for you. With God, all things are possible! In this Holy Month, make a resolution and tell your God about your missing link or the potholes in your marriage, love life, and other things that are affecting you emotionally. When we talk about marriage, everyone has their shortcomings. No one is perfect but we can become perfect if we are guided by God.

NB:
For the period of the Holy Month, text and email messages will not be featured. You can however send your text and make calls as usual, although they will be answered off the column. I wish you all a blessed Ramadan.

Lovelines

We have been dating for six years without hassle, until recently when a guy, who had been chasing her for seven months, secured a job for her. Before getting her the job, my fiancÈe did not agree to date him, according to what she tells me. But now that he has succeeded in getting her a job, he is frequently at my fiancÈe’s place which has never been the case, while she too is visiting him whenever she wish. This baffles me!

Sol

Well you have to take this maturely. Since she said there is nothing intimate between them, tell her what you want and what you don’t about her and the man in question. Since she is your fiancÈe   you have the right to demand explanation for whatever you may not be satisfied with. To avoid trouble, she should stop the guy, because he has played his part by getting her a job. She has to stop the visits and tell the guy that she has a fiancÈ. But if she can do so, I think both of you need to re-plan your love world. Good luck!

I don’t have feelings for her

Lovelines

I just discovered that my girlfriend is five months pregnant. We have been dating for four years. She wants me to marry her but I have no feeling for her since we started going out to date. More so, I am attached to another lady that I really love. I am confused, because I have gone deep with this new lady.

Sering

It is better that you stop joking and playing around with your life. As a man, you must have bearing and know what you want from what you don’t. You are not wood nor a stone, but a man, so you have to remember that "white lies always introduce others of a darker complexion," as said by William Parley. What I mean is that since you did not quit because of your lack of feeling for her in the past years, why is it now that she is pregnant you remember your lack of feeling for her? So you have no genuine excuse. Do not be confused. Tell your parents and arrange for the marriage. Good luck!  

He has another girlfriend

Lovelines

I learnt that my boyfriend is having another girlfriend near his house despite our being together for the past 2 years and 7 months.

Naffie

It is not a new thing! It is left for you to make your relation a romantic one, so that you will be able to get back what belongs to you. If you still love him take it cool. But if you can’t accept that tell him to choose between the two of you or else you will quit. If he still loves you he will choose to remain with you. Good luck!  

We always quarrel

Lovelines

I have deep love for my girlfriend but we can’t do without quarrelling every one or two weeks. I left her on two occasions but she will always tell my friends that she loves me. Right now we have a problem. Again, she is asking my friends to talk to me. I am confused.

Bogy-boy

It is not my right to tell you to walk away from her, even if she is not giving you peace of mind. A relationship in which you quarrel every two weeks and  on two occasions left each other and reconciled, means you are not compatible. So, nothing better will come out of it unless you want to continue on and off. However, it is better you let her know that you are not made for each other. Good luck!

How can she please my mum?

Lovelines

We are young lovers. In a 3-year relationship, we’ve never had any misunderstanding. My entire family wants her including my dad, who is very fond of her. But my mum does not want to set eyes on her, in spite of all her efforts to please her.

Jerry

If you really love her and want her for marriage, try as much as possible to ask your mum the reason behind the distaste for her. Also try to talk to your father to plead to your mother on your behalf together with your brothers and sisters. When she realises that everyone likes your friend, she may change her mind. Good luck!

He says we should break-up

Lovelines

We have being in love for 3-years before he travelled abroad last year. He one day called me and said "I want us to break-up our relationship." I went to his brother to complain but he told me the same thing. In fact he called out a lady that the brother (my boyfriend) wanted to marry, so that I could see her with my eyes. But my problem is I just can’t stop thinking about him although his mum once told me after he had just travelled, that I should leave her son alone because we are not  meant for each other despite the fact that he has introduced me to the family when we earlier started dating.
Lolly

Meditation is not a means to an end.  So try as much as possible to stop thinking about him because you can have him back. He has already made up his mind and the mother, with his siblings, have agreed with him. Put that behind you and the right guy will surely come to your life. Good luck!

I have a question

Lovelines

Do you think I can get a good caring lover that is ready to marry me? Because men outside nowadays want to remain single forever.

Santa

Lovelines

I am a single young man and a good Christian still unmarried

Richard

Santa and Richard, keep on reading Lovelines, your partners are on the way. Are you a serious Muslim man or Christian lady? You might be the right person for Santa and Richard. Interested? Ok, make the call. Good luck!

Mother chose the right wife for me

Lovelines

My mum has chosen a good wife for me. She is morally okay and perfect. She is the type of woman I want, yet I am not comfortable. What is the problem?  

Waggeh

Really I cannot say why in particular you are not comfortable, because you did not say exactly what you are not comfortable with. Is it with the woman (your wife), your mother, the relationship, your standard of living, or with everything else? Try to expand on this for Lovelines to answer. Anyhow try to be happy, think positively and feel satisfied with yourself. Good luck!

He tells me about his ex

Lovelines

I am in a two-month-old relationship. But my boyfriend was in a 5-year relationship with a lady who is presently out of the country. He told me one day that he started dating me because he had a problem with the girl. But I really love him, I don’t want us to seperate.

Bridget

If you want to keep him for yourself, you stir and stump the relationship, and blow your own trumpet before him. Meaning that you should try as much as possible to do what he likes most. Do them with little romance, he will not turn away from you. Read more about Loveline’s past edition "How to make your relationship romantic." So develop relationship skills, this will make you champion over the ex. Good luck!


I don’t trust my wife

Lovelines

I have a wife whom I love so much but I do not trust her.

Jatta

If you love your wife you must trust her but if you don’t then something is going on. You might not be able to trust her 100% but 99.8% if you truly love her and know that she loves you too. A relationship without trust is nothing but  mere eye service love. So try to trust her because trust is like a soul, it never returns once it is gone. Good luck!

I am dating two guys at a go

Lovelines

I am 18, dating two guys at the same time. One of them is very caring, lovely and calls me always. While the other guy’s behaviour is opposite to the first one, he does not call, neither cares about me. However, I love both of them, yet I do not know what to do or whom to stay with amongst the two.

Jennifer
 
Anyhow I will not say that you are young because you are an adult, but it is not good at your age to keep two guys at a time. So choose one amongst the two. To answer your question, it is a pity that we know who we love but we don’t know who loves us when it comes to dating. To know what you should do, try as much as possible to study the two prudently and know whom you really love because you can’t love the duo in everything equally. At the same time you should find out the reason behind the one that doesn’t care much about you. Probably he has no phone or he lacks some love attributes. Whichever way, learn more about their characters, occupations and families, this will enable you to make a choice. Good luck!

I have feeling for different girls

Lovelines

I always have a feeling for every girl, but now I met a girl that I am interested in. I talked to her about my feelings towards her. She told me that she has a boyfriend. I tried her for a second time but she answered angrily and said "this is my boyfriend I  told you before, still you keep following me."  

Derby

Well, this is a girl that already has a boyfriend that she would not like to betray. So leave her and look for another cool, disciplined and beautiful girl, that will love you and be honest with you, as she is to her boyfriend. If you continue following her, one day she might embarrass you or say ‘yes’ just to stop you. And if she does that, at the end you might regret it, because love is a feeling from the heart, we develop it for someone we are interested in gradually till we get attracted to the person.  When this happened, it started growing in your mind. That’s why some people will say to their love ones that ‘my love for you is eternal that will never be thirsty…’ So browse somewhere else for a better lover that will love you with her heart and soul. Good luck! ,

I am dating a married woman

Lovelines

I am a young man of 26years dating a married woman of 23. She got married last February but after several discussions I was able to convince her to date me. She finally accepted the idea,and even tend to love me more than her husband. Please advice me.

Adama

Let’s forget about sentiments. Already you know what you are engaged in is what they called adultery. I believe both of you are of the same religion fate. Did you remember the ‘sharia’s stand on anyone committing this type of sin? Do you even think of it if her husband happened to know, what do you think will befall on you two. Though the husband might not do anything to you but what about if he divorces this lady, will you marry her? This is number one thing you should put into consideration, and think about endangering your life. I will not go deep but I think it is right for you to desist from this act because your continuity might lead to catastrophy. You know the reason for that. Good luck!

He betrays me

Lovelines

My boyfriend is one year older than I. I love him so much but he betrayed and finished with me, because people are poking their nose into our love affairs.

Nyalling

Well I can’t really classified this as betrayal, although you did not explain what people say about your relationship that made him to call it quit with you. Whatever the case might be try to learn one or two lessons on what has transpired between the two of you during your dating. This will help you in your next dating. So put it behind you and move forward. Good luck!

We intends to get marry

Lovelines

I am a girl of 21 I was dating a guy for 6 years with the promise of getting married. The major problem is our parents; they do not allow us to get married. Last year, the guy left for oversea. Since I am alone his friend wanted to step into his shoes, he proposed to me that he wanted me to marry him. I like him, should I accept or not?

Nancy

Your text did not state whether you have ended the relation with your boyfriend when he was around or now that he is outside the country. Does it ever cross your mind the type of person your boyfriend’s friend is? If he’s a good friend and a reliable person I don’t think it is right for him to ask you to marry him, after your six years of being with his friend who has not ended the relationship.

Have you ever thought of self-interest, use and dump? If he surely likes you and his friend’s happiness, what step has he taken to see that you and your boyfriend, his friend’s, dream comes true. How long has this issues of him wanting to marry you been ? is it of recently, sometimes ago or before your boyfriend travel? Listen to yourself, you said you like him not love him; you never say he cares for you or makes you happy.

In a nutshell I will advice you to date and marry another man instead of him for some reasons. You are still young there are other things that you need to do for yourself now. The right man to whom your parent will give their consent, will surely come. Call for more explanation or if you are ready to answer my questions above. Good luck!

She refuses to visit me

Lovelines

I am four years older than my girlfriend. I love her very much and do everything she requested of me. She has never one day visited me during weekend but only when she closes from school. I am confused.

Gassama

You don’t need to be confused.She is not visiting you during the weekends perhaps due to the little time she have for herself. As a serious and discipline girl, she need to help her mother to do some housework during the weekends. At the same time to study and do her school assignments. Do not abuse the opportunity she is giving you by visiting you on her way from school. How human being can be satisfied is not known yet, if she does not visit you, surely you will complain, now she visits during the week, another complains. Brother, half bread is better than none. Good luck!

She changes her religion

Lovelines

I am dating a girl with the same religion for the past 6 years with the promise of becoming couples. Later she converted to another religion. Should I take this as betrayal to our relation?

Ken

I think it will be better if you can find out from her what has prompted her to do this. According to the wise saying, ‘there is no smoke without fire.’ I do not want to say what you might not think of, but might be the reason, so take it as an assignment and let Lovelines hear you out, it is not a betrayal to your dating. Good luck!

He wants us to break

Lovelines

He is 25 while I am 22. I love him a lot and he shows me the real love. We are on this relation since 3-years back without problem until of recently when he woke up one day and said that his mum did not like him dating me so "let’s break up." I am very confused now because I definitely love him and I can’t live without him.

Assanatou

You have to accept it. So far he was able to tell you the truth about what her mother has told him. You have no choice because if you want to cajole or want him by all means, at the end you might not enjoy the marriage. It is better for a father-in-law to say no than a mother-in-law. So take heart, put it away from your mind a better man that will not waste time to have you beside him will surely come. Such is life. Good luck!

He doesn’t know my number

Lovelines

I find it very difficult to believe that my boyfriend doesn’t know my telephone number. He doesn’t call or text me still he claims to love me.

Jay

There is nothing impossible. He might be the type that doesn’t like chatting on the phone. Beside he might have no access to telephone or mobile telephone. But if he does have one asks him why he refuses to call or text you. Let him know that you cherish his call and text. From his answers you will know if he is saying the truth or not. Good luck!

He works a lot and cares little

Lovelines

My boyfriend works a lot and cares about me a little. But I love him deeply.

Olimatou

First, I want you to know that a lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D. or Ph.D unfortunately they don’t have J.O.B. So give thanks to Almighty Allah that he has one. It is a matter of time he will surely care for you if you play your part through the right channel. According to Thomas Carlyle ‘blessed is he who has found his work. Let him ask no other blessedness.’ Note that ‘men for the sake of getting a living forget to live,’ Margaret Fuller said this. Part of the other blessedness is you. Therefore, it is you that will try to challenge and unwind him. That’s to let him care about you lies in your two hands. Call Lovelines if you don’t understand this. Good luck!


Lovelines

I have been in love with a lady for 8 good years before she got married to a white man who presently resides in Europe. She has called me about four to five times since she travelled and we always discuss about marriage. But for sometime now she has stopped calling me, while I have found someone that I love and we are ready to tie the knot.

Abdoul’Kareem

I will like to correct you since she got married the love between two of you has been off the track. Getting down to your text I do not know why you are still waiting for her, because for no reason you should not expect her to divorce her husband and marry you. So face your newfound love if you want to really settle down. Forget about old and a dreamt promise, because a bird in the hand worth two thousand in the bush. Good luck!

She wants us to quit the relation

Lovelines

My girlfriend wants us to call it quit because her friend is interested in me. Her friend makes thing worst because she told my girlfriend that we are dating before her. This has caused grudges between the two of them.

Essa

Well killing two birds at the same time with a stone always results in vain. You should have come out plainly and tell the truth than hiding behind a finger. If it is true that you have nothing to do with your girlfriend’s friend you will find it very easy to convince her and make her see the truth ,but if you want to play double game between them, it might be

difficult for you. Sincerely, if you don’t have skeleton in your cupboard explains to your girlfriend everything you know about her friend, she will surely listen and accept you back. Remember the truth and nothing but the truth. Good luck!

He is coaxing me

Lovelines

My guy always coax me each time I visits him in spite that he knows what he wants from me cannot be possible by now. Although I am crazy about him, what can I do?

Fatim

What you can do is to remain firm in your decision. Do not fall into her coaxing mouth because he is only seeking for his own interest. In love we should not only look for self-interest but also what will benefit both partners. So tell him if he loves you ‘he should try to wait for you.’ Good luck!

I don’t know if it is my turn

Lovelines

There is a girl that I can’t count on how many times I approached her within the past three years. She always pushed and pulled me up and down until she got impregnated. Now that she has delivered the pregnancy she now have time for me. Is this my turn after the wasted years.

Kanteh

It might be your time if you love her and have no choice. If you still love her and satisfied with the way she does attend to you when you were chasing her fine let the ball rols on. But if you have choice and not ready to eat reminiscent make her a friend and becomes her good adviser. It is your game love is blind. However let it be at the backside of your mind that any day she sees her match she will leave you again. Good luck!

She is having another boyfriend

Lovelines

There is a girl I am interested in but she said it is impossible for us to date because she is having a boyfriend.

Mohammed

She does not love me

Lovelines

I expressed my feeling to a lady she turned me down but each time she sees me with another girl she feels jealous.

Sam

Her parents doesn’t wants us together

Lovelines

I am dating a girl but the parents don’t want to see us together and I can’t do without her.

Demba

Mohammed, Sam and Demba dating is not a do or die affair if a lady or man is not interested in you quit. But if she sees you with another person surely, she will like to be with you. But that time it might be too late. So forget about a lady who does not love you and try your luck somewhere else. Also if you are dating a girl and her parents are giving you problems , the earlier you quit the relation the better, to avoid a controversial dating and emotional crack. Good luck!

Lovelines

I am 22years in love with a girl that is not far from my area. Our relationship is four months old  without quarrel. We are very frank with each other as far as our love is concern . One of these days, while  chatting through SMS text, She sent me a text message in which  she typed her name and another boy’s name. I took it as a mistake and asked for what she meant. She later replied that her heart is for someone else and followed by her name  again with the  same guy’s name. The second day she came to me and apologized that it was a mistake.

Badjie

Since she said it was a mistake,give a second chance  but ask her if she is still dating the guy and if so then  tell her to choose between you and the guy. If she preferred the guy over you then let her go. But if you still love her  then continue but remember it is dangerous. Good luck!

Lovelines

I am a young chic and I love my guy so much that I broke my engagement with another guy because of him. He wanted us to be having affairs so that he will never forget me because he wanted to marry me. To assure me of his promise, we took a blood oath. Do you think he is a fake lover?

Vivian

I am very sorry for you. Both of you have gone too far by taken a blood oath. This guy has never proposed to you neither have you accepted his proposal. All you are saying ‘I will marry you’ to each other is still a child play and mouth talk. I will advise you to quickly call this guy so that both of you will revoke the oath. Given your body to him is not an assurance that he will marry you. You should look and go for unconditional love not a conditional love, as he is demanding from you. Be careful and stay away from ‘had I known.’ Both of you are still young. Good luck!

Is there no partner for the poor?

Lovelines

I have a friend from the same village. He is a businessman I live  and work with  him, and  he is my boss. He often help me to solve my problems financially, while he always take any of my girlfriends that I bring home or introduce to him because he has money. He is fond of telling me that "girls are for money."  Does this  act and statement means that there is no love for the poor?

Sutu

Not that there is no partner or sincere love for the poor, it is just a coincidence that  the people you loved always end up with your friend because you are staying with him and financially stronger . But looking at things carefully, I think you are always having wrong girlfriends that are in love for money. meaning ‘money for hand,  In brief your friend is not trustworthy. He should not use his position as an advantage over you. As a good friend tell him that you are not happy with  his style. Better still to avoid problems with him, if you know that you can stand on your own, rent an apartment for yourself. But if you cannot, then  stop takning your girlfriend home or introducing them to him. I assure you that  if you get a lady that really love you, she will not consider your friend as human but a traitor and betrayal. Good luck!


She wants me to be serious

Loveline

I am 24 dating a girll of 23.  My girll friend wants me to get serious about her while she is not serious with  me. She often complains about girls visiting and calling me, whilst men do visit and call her anytime. Please tell me if she loves me because I give her my heart 100%.  What can I do?

Lamou

The two of you need  time to sit down and talk to each other about what you like and dislike. Doing that , you will be able to understand and respect each other. There is nothing both of you can do to avoid friends’ calls or visits but it all  depends on the level of maturity between the  two of you. Good luck!

We have sworn to an oath

Lovelines

I am in love with a lady who equally  loved me. We are now confronted by a problem from the girl’s mother because she want her to get marry to a guy she was engaged with  before we met. However both of them do not love each  where as the girl and I have both sworn to an oath to marry each other and I am ready to marry her.

Jumbulu

Although they always say love is blind. Both of you should have thought of what you might encounter in future before you swore to an oath. I will encourage you for the betterment of the two of you that you should revoke this oath before it is too late. If Allah ordained it that you will become husband and wife in future no one can change it but if he said no your oath couldn’t say yes. So think, and think do not let emotion over ride your feelings. Good luck!


Relationship with a lot of quarrels

Lovelines

Our relationship is two years old with a lot of quarrels. I am no longer having any feeling for him. I want us to be ordinary friends but he wont let me be. He said he still loves me when he did not. For the past two years I was trying to make the relation work.

Majula

Such is life, if you know that you really have nothing to do with him because of the frequent quarrels in the relation, then stop going to his house and never  call or text him. At the same time stop receiving his call and don’t reply to his text any more. More so, it is you that will control yourself before him, no one will do it for you. So you are entitle to your personal decision on this matter. Good luck!

He always evade marriage discussion

Lovelines

I have been dating a guy for over four years but he never discussed marriage with me. I am the one that always ask or bring up marriage issue between us and each time I brought up the topic, he will surely evade the discussion. Now I am confused, I do not know if I should leave him or not. I am 25 and he is 27.

Nyama

Obviously he is not ready to marry as at now. There might be a lot of things going on in his mind that is keeping him away from marriage that you do not know. It is not only for you to bring up the issue but ask him the reason why he does not want to marry, probably you might find his reason genuine. So if you know that your utmost now is wedding or marriage, you have your life to live. So make a choice. By the way I also think that it is better that two of you plan strongly before marriage for  a better tomorrow. So try not to be confused. Good luck!

Her husband read my text message

Lovelines

There is a girl that loves me since we were in primary school up to secondary school level. She got pregnant after our WAEC examination and later married. To my amazement this girl still love me. She sometimes call and text me, but I never reply. After series of complaints from her I started to reply to her text messages and calls. Unfortunately her husband read my last text to her and he called me for a discussion, which was centered on my past and present relations with the lady. I don’t know what to do before her husband will take next action since the girl will not stop calling or texting me despitethe fact that iam not calling her.

Alieu

I will encourage you to stop endangering your life. Take it or you leave it, this girl is married no matter how strong love she has for you try as much as possible to keep away unless you do not value your life. Since her husband has played maturity by inviting you for a dialogue it is better you keep a distance. Tell the girl that it is not your intention to be an intruder or bring sorrow to a steady and peaceful family. It is your right, if you want to have your dignity, to tell her husband that you have nothing to do with his wife and he should let bygone be a bygone. So from this moment stop calling her or text her. Look elsewhere if you need a wife or someone to date. Someone with husband will put you in a problem. A word is enough for a wise man. Good luck!

I don’t understand my brother’s babe

Lovelines

I have a brother that love and care for me so much. He always send me credits in order to remain in touch with him. But his girlfriend thinks am dating her boy, she texts me all the time asking the same question despite telling her that he is just a brother. The sad story is that they now have a problem after our last text.

Nyara

The problem is that the lady might not know the extent of relationship between you too. But since you have explained to her on different occasions she supposed to have listened to you and at least believe you for once. But if it is true that there is nothing between two of you try and invite the two together and settle the matter between them. Doing this her mind will be at rest and believe you. Good luck!

I can’t grant his request

Lovelines

I love my boyfriend and I always do everything he request for him. But one thing I do not  accept having affair with him.

What should I do?

Ruth

You have the right to stick to your word. If he loves you as you do love him, he will wait for you till the time you are ready but if he can’t, tell him to look elsewhere if your life and pride is precious to you. Good luck!


How can I quit?

Lovelines

I am 25 and she is 20. Our relationship is almost 3-year. She always sends text to me to express her concern and love for me. Surprisingly I discovered that she is dating another guy that I know. I love her too but now I don’t know how to quit the relation.

Badara

You will be able to quit the relation if you have choice. At the same time determination matters most, because you know what is good for you and what you want from your girlfriend. So decide if really you want to say goodbye to her or you just want to stress her. If really to quit, tell her it is over and stop visiting, calling or texting her and if she  call do not answer her. Good luck!

She tunes him like a radio

Lovelines

My boyfriend is dating another girl, this girl always tune him like a radio. She can call it quit today and tomorrow they will start again. As at now they have broken up but I know sooner or later she will come back again.

Fatou

This is not your  problem since you are ready to continue sharing him with her. If you want him to forget this girl try as much as possible to be more romantic make sure that what the other girl is doing for him you are able to do more than that. Before you know it he will forget her finally. Good luck!

I am pregnant for a respectable boy

Lovelines

I am in love with a respectable gentle boy since the past three years. This boy loves me too much; I am very welcome in his family. His mum can’t do without calling me. But sooner than I thought early this year I discovered that I am pregnant for him. Now I keep my examination free, nobody in the family knows that I am 7-month pregnant except my friends and boyfriend. I have decided to run away to go and stay with a friend till I deliver the baby when I will come back home. The reason for this decision is that if my dad knows about it he will send me away from the house forever.

Nyantcho

I am very surprised with  your foolish decision. If you think  running to your friend will solve the  problem because your father will send you away from his house when he discover that you are pregnant, then, what about when you deliver the child and come back home do you think he will be happy with you and welcome you with open hands to the house? I hope you are not thinking of committing infanticide or baby dumping. If it is true that your so called ‘respectable gentle boy’ love you, why can’t he talk to her mother who can’t do without calling you about what has happened between you ? I want you to discuss it with your boyfriend so that he will talk to his mother who will go and meet your parents about the issue. If you are a good child. It can happen to anyone who is playing the game. This is  why  anybody who  is not ready should not involve. However, if I know your parents I would blame them for not being able to know that a child staying under their roof is 7-month pregnant without their knowledge up t
o date. So do not run a way from home, but try as much as possible to discuss this  predicament with your boyfriend’s mother or your parents, mostly your mother with immediate effect. Good luck!

My cousin raped me I am dying in silence!

Lovelines

Just a month back, my cousin raped me before he travelled to Europe. Since he came back from Europe ,I do not have rest of mind and peace. I do not know what to do anymore because he is telling me that he loves me. With all he that he   put me through the embarrassment and the indelible scar he left on my heart, I don’t love him and I will never love him for anything. He went to my boyfriend and told him to back off from me. I am confused because I told my mum about this unexpected incidence but she thought i am lying without her doing anything to find out the truth. This is because the guy is my maternal cousin. I am dying in silence!

(Name withheld)

This is a serious matter that you really have to  explain how it happened, to your parents not only your mother. If you are really sure of this, tell your parents to call the two of you to  sit together and repeat all what you might have told your mother and how everything happened. It is then you will be able to prove your case. I know that the elders will apply equity and justice on the matter when they find out the truth unless they want to be injustice. However, there are a lot of questions for you to answer on this issue. But to solve this problem you still need to talk to your parents. Anyhow if your mother who supposed to be your confidant cannot believe you, then I must say that there is something fishy going on.  For the time being try to take record of everything going on between you, your cousin, boyfriend and your mother.  But I do not want to go deep because when it happened there must be someone who  knows about it apart from telling your mother. Good luck!