The Stepping Stone trainer Mrs. Anty Michel Jawo Demba has urged young people to stay away from sex until they are married for their own good. Mrs. Jawo Demba made this announcement while lecturing Red Cross volunteers on the Stepping Stone Approach. According to her, unprotected sex with multiple partners carries a huge risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections including HIV/Aids. She asserted that the Stepping Stone Strategy is the best approach to minimise unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

She added that the Stepping Stone Approach has been in The Gambia since 1997 when she was working with Action Aid in The Gambia. It was piloted in Kiang in a village called Medina but supervised by the Medical Research Council. The MRC only provided medical services to those that need them.

Lovelines,

It is over one year that I have been dating a girl. We love ourselves deeply and intend to get marry. Since our parents all aware of our intention, we prepared a written document our intention in duplicate form which we both signed.

We are always happy and proud of each other. I help her in everything except financial hence I am not in the position. What can I do to know that she really love and care for me as I do and to know if she will not betray me as I always risk my life to do some certain things for her and her family?

Matlock

With love everything is possible. But what you have done is more or less an oath that some lovers do make when love is intoxicating them. Already she loves you that are one of the reasons that made her to sign a paper and agreed to marry you. To know if she will betray you or not, I can’t say because you are the one that knows how things are going on between you and her, beside I am not a soothsayer. Take your time love is a familiar, love is a devil, there is no evil angel but love. Remember love is blind, and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that they commit. Good luck!

Do you think he loves me?

Lovelines,

I never want to have sex until I get marry. But a man who I fell in loves with 3-month ago want me to do it with him. However I told him that I am still a virgin but does not believe me. Do you think this man loves me or he just want to have sex and dump me like a paper into a dustbin because I never want to trust any man. 

Ccy-girl

Most time I used to be surprised hearing a matured girl having a boyfriend and capable to identify her right hand from left hand saying she doesn’t want to have sex. One thing that the Holy books (Quran and Bible) teach is that there is nothing like boyfriend or girlfriend but marriage. Be sincere by asking yourself questions and give a genuine answer to this question why do you date? Is it because of friendship, intimacy, companion, for fun or you just seeing people dating and you are dating? Most men and women do make this mistake at the same time saying "I can’t trust any man," or "I can’t trust any woman." Then who will trust who? It is either you fall in or you fall out. Which means if your boyfriend his disturbing you with sex and you are not ready to do it quit the relation and wait till you are ready because he want it and he will never stop asking for it while you can not resist always. Good luck!

He never says it to me

Lovelines,

I am a girl of 19 years dating a man for 5 months. I love him so much but I don’t know whether he loves me because he never says it to me. 

Caroline

Yes, it is a simple matter many don’t know how to say it because they are ashamed, some don’t say it because they do not want to commit themselves, still some does not say it because they need fun. If it is true you love him you too should always say the three words to him maybe he will learn from you. If he doesn’t ask him whether he love you or not and if he say yes ask him why he never say it to you as you always tell him. Good luck!

My friend is eyeing my babe

Lovelines,

I have been dating a girl for almost 3 years. Recently, one of my best friends is eyeing her; now, if I call her she will not answer my call neither will she calls me. So what can I do?

King

It is obvious that some friends do take over their friend’s lover especially when they are used to each other. What you need to do is to forget about the girl because she is not honest. If she is honest no matter how rich, handsome, or whatsoever, she should not accept to your friend proposal and if your friend is a good person and best friend as you said, he should not take over your girlfriend. In a nutshell two of them are bad egg and betrayal. Forget about them and check out for a discipline suitable girl. Good luck!

She loves me but pretends not

Lovelines,

I am boy 19 chasing a girl whom pretends not to love me, but she calls and text me all the time. How would I know her mind?

Pa Sanneh

If it is true that you know that she pretend not to love you while you know that she did, then there is nothing to tell you again than you should add more comic, seriousness and determination to your method of approach. Good luck!

He says he really love me

Lovelines,

I am a girl of 20 in a relationship with a guy. He says he really love me, ready to meet my parents at anytime. I love him too. Please tell me something that will show if a man really loves me.

Ch-girl

Read the Lovelines issues of May 30 which deal with "how to know if he /she love you," or you phone Lovelines for explanation. Good luck!

She always says no chance

Lovelines,

I am dating a girl but when I ask her to come she always say no chance. I don’t know why?

Lampard

You have to know that love need acceptance, time, endurance, and ability to observe and reason with the observation you make. Use your brain, it might be true that she is not having chance but it depend on how you are playing your card. Moreover she might be timid and a first timer. It is you as a man that will help her to create chances. Talk to her one on one. Beside how often do you visit her in their compound? Think of it. Good luck!

I caused everything

Lovelines,

Have been dating a girl for almost one year but we broke up and she started dating a guy I really love her and want her back. Though I caused everything am 23 waiting for your reply.

Badou

Since you realized that you are the caused of everything, why don’t you go and talk to her face to face and apologize for any emotional pain you might have caused her. Tell her that you have realized your mistake and how deep you hurt her feeling, it will never happen again. Promise her and send her some love wonderful present not costly things but what you think she will cherish for reconciliation. Good luck!

He does not have my time

Lovelines,

I am in love with a man who doesn’t have my time. Our relationship is three years what can I do now?

Oumie

I advise you to stop wasting your time and energy for someone that doesn’t have your time. We don’t love just because others are in love or dates. We love to be together, share our problem together, to be there and care for each other. Good luck!

My ex asked me a question

Lovelines,

I am 20 dating a gal. Sometimes ago we broke up over a stupid argument. So far, I realized that a guy in my class is asking her out. I tried to confirm this from her instead of a straight answer she wants me to tell her direct from my heart if I really want her to go out with the boy and whether I still love her. I don’t know what to say because I felt it for her but if I say I love her other guy will dislike me what should I do.

Sallah

I really don’t understand your stand on this matter. You do not let me know if you are still interest in this girl or you are pity her love condition or you are fighting for your rival who won the heart of this girl from you. Anyway I think it is better to decide on her then call me for a suitable answer. Good luck!

I need your advice

Lovelines,

I am in a 3-year-old relationship with a guy that we both love each other.  He has suddenly changed and shows lack of interest in the relation compare to before. He has stopped calling me despite that he has access to free call. When I call him he will sound normal but not from the bottom of his heart.

Dagain

Well if things goes as you mentioned what is appropriate is to have a heart to heart talk with your man and ask him reason for his sudden changes towards you. Let him tell you direct if he does not have interest in you again than pretending to you. The earlier you find out what he has in his mind the better so that you can plan for yourself. Good luck!

Now I am free for another man

Lovelines,

I have a boyfriend whom I have been dating for 6 years. He impregnated another girl last year, still we continue our love but he never mistake and talk about our future. I do not have any hope that he will marry me. I thought over this many times and stop going to his house and I don’t call him. Now am free, I don’t think of him anymore while I am now finding another man who will love me and ready to marry me.

Maie

Well give a call if you want Lovelines to introduce you to the love of your heart. Good luck!

His siblings hate me

Lovelines,

I am a lady of 22 and got marry to a young man over 18-month ago. We are blessed with a child. He said he love me still he is still following his ex girlfriend. His brothers and sisters hate me without any reason, still I love him. Is there a solution to this?

Macha

Really I can’t say parse what might have caused your husband still flirting after his former girlfriend when you are legally married to him, although there are circumstances that can lead to this you can phone me to know that. But I will like to put it to you that you are the caused of your problem. My reason for this answer is that during your courtship period with your husband you should have known better then his love measure for you and type of person he is. Secondly your relationship with the family, if between you and them is good or not, that is if they like and welcome you to their family.

It shouldn’t be now that you got married less than two years with a child that you should know that they hate you. Moreover, if they love and welcome you to the family at the beginning and now they hate you while your husband continues flirting after his former girlfriend without nobody to correct or advice him it means two things.

One, maybe he’s the champion of the house, two, maybe yourself is having a problem with them that you need to correct yourself. Because no matter how bad his siblings are, you must have one of them as your confidence that will be your reckoning. So check yourself for correction and call your husband to sit for a chat since he still says that he loves you. Ask him what might be the caused of the hatred between you and his siblings at the same time try to know what his girlfriend is doing or offering him that you lack.

Try to be more romantic to your husband so that you can full and win his heart. This is the only way you can create U-turn in his heart and get back what belong to you. To the family try as much as possible to impress, create and make friends with them for acceptance. The earlier you use your brain and become friendly with them the better. Good luck!

She says she loves me more

Lovelines,

Before I fell in love with her she was dating a guy but she told me that she loves me more than him. She call and text me everyday and visit me twice in a week.  She said the boy is not honest with her because she caught him with another girl. I told him to forget the boy and concentrate on me alone but she said she can’t call off the relationship between two of them but that she love me more while I trust her that she love me.

Landing

You have no gut to complain than to continue enjoy your love life with her. But I surely believe that two of you are just playing game. If she really loves you he will abandon the guy for you and if you are serious you will not be there and allowing your lover telling you he can not leave your rival for you despite she knows that he is not sincere with her. While you are still saying you love her.

Since the love is still over floating in the veins of you two, I advice you continue but the girl is the one to lose and possibly yourself will have emotional crackdown not only pain at the end. Unless you quickly think about the love you have for her. It is illogical expression, think about it. Good luck!

He like sexual activities discussion

Lovelines,

He wants to have sex with me and I am a virgin. We love each other so much but anytime we are chat he always talks about sex matter. Still I want to maintain my virginity.

Emah

If you really want to maintain your virginity and you know that you do not enjoy his sexual activities talk, quit the relation. Better still stop having boyfriend till you are ready for the game. Nowadays, no matter how holy a boy or man is, once you as a young girl or woman, they must talk about sex and want to engage you in sexual action and coerce you to have sex with them. Sex and love are inseparable; it is really a body chemistry that no one can still over come without strong determination. Good luck!

How can I approach her?

Lovelines,

I have seen a girl whom I love but I don’t know how to approach her.

MC-Ross

Well it is a simple thing that does not warrant do or die. Just summon courage and be confidence. Compose yourself before her but not overly. Try as much as possible to speak to her in the language you wish if it is English make it simple and correct sentences. When you across or stop her, give her a good compliment and show your admiration.

Then through her expression beg her to allow you to make use of 2-3 minutes of her precious time then hit the nail on the head by telling her that you are interested in her and want her to be your lover… If possible you are the shy type because you know her before invite her for outing either a lunch, dinner or for rendezvous… Remember no exaggeration or self promotion. Good luck!

The African Society has not given much room for children or young people to involve in discussing issues of sex and sexuality.

This has denied the young the right to know about reproductive health and rights.

The rationale or belief of the African society for denying the young the right to discuss such issues could be regarded as genuine.

The common belief in the African society is that once young children are exposed to discussing sex, they would be tempted or curious to practice it at a tender age. This notion has nursed the culture of silence on sex issues in Africa.

But the world is in a permanent revolution that societies have to conform to if we are to live a progressive, safe and comfortable life.

While the culture of silence over sex persists, cases of unwanted pregnancy continue to increase.

This has caused many girls to yield to forced or arranged marriage at a tender age as a counter measure, despite the risks involved in early marriage and subsequent pregnancies.

Again, since parents and society in general deny the young the right to know about sex issues, the resulting effect is that many teenagers come to know about sex through their peers and get messed up in it in the street. 

With the presence of HIV/AIDS, our society is faced with a new challenge, which is “the right to know and to protect oneself” from HIV/AIDS.

One of the most recommended strategies of fighting HIV/AIDS is to raise mass awareness. This has contravened the African system, which has placed a culture of silence on issues of sex and sexuality. In fact, the strategy has faulted the African society for observing a tradition that denies young children the right to fully know about sex issues.

In observing such a tradition, many young people grow from childhood to adolescent to adulthood without knowing much about their reproductive health.

That is why many girls get shocked and confused when they experienced menstruation for the first time.

Many, in fact, cry and wonder out of ignorance over such happening.

They get confused as it always appears unexpectedly.

The situation clearly shows that the individual has not received the information that she should have received on such matters.

Again, in most cases, when parents are consulted by their children after such experience, they speak in riddles instead of telling the children the truth.

The act of beating by the bush, in many circumstances, increases the child’s vulnerability to unplanned or unwanted teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections (STI) and HIV/AIDS.

The African culture, though diverse and rich in nature, but treats the issue of sex as sacrosanct. We should learn to conform to the changing times.

With the advent of technology and globalization so much has changed, even within the African culture, where it is common practice to have the youth engaged in sexual activity, and the society has very little to say about the cultural heritage that is so much abused.

The youth of Africa are faced with the challenge of HIV/AIDS and poverty, poor economies, bad and governance and corruption, high rates of youth unemployment, intergenerational dependence and so many other challenges.

The increasing rate of crimes being committed by young people makes me want to dissociate myself from the youth of Africa.

But guess what? Change must happen if we want the future to be bright, promising and safe for our children and grandchildren.

We don’t have to live with the examples of our leaders, we can begin to build a legacy all on our own, and we will succeed if we are Committed.

We should participate actively in making decisions, and in implement the policies and programmes that will help our communities become better places to live.

We should also form partnerships with our siblings, parents, friends, peers, communities, states or nations, governments and other partners in development.

EDITOR’S NOTE:
This article was first published on 12^th September 2006 on this paper.

Results from three randomised controlled trials in South Africa, Kenya and Uganda, in 2006 showed that following circumcision, the incidence of HIV infection was reduced in men by more than half.

According to the new policy document, circumcision will be rolled out for males of all ages in a culturally sensitive way and in a clinically safe setting.

The programme will involve some strengthening of the health infrastructure, but according to Peter Mutie, head of communications at the National AIDS Control Council (NACC), the existing health centres are sufficiently equipped for the rollout.

"We are trying to fast track it so that by mid-2008 we can start rolling it out," Mutie told IRIN/PlusNews.

Although a handful of ethnic communities in Kenya - including the Luo, Suba and Teso in western Kenya and the Turkana in northwestern Kenya - do not practice circumcision culturally, Mutie said the government's programme would focus on the whole country.

"Most of our tribes practice circumcision as a rite of passage, but many do it traditionally, using the same blade for several boys, a practice we would like to eradicate; others don't remove the entire foreskin, which is the medical way to do it - they just cut off a bit of it," he said.

Mutie added that in order to limit resistance to the programme, social mobilisation exercises would precede the rollout, with community members being trained to educate their peers on the benefits of male circumcision.

"This is a programme that needs very careful implementation, and education is key - for instance, people need to know that it is not in any way a guarantee of protection from HIV," Mutie said. "

He stressed that traditional circumcisers would play a key role in re-educating their communities. "We cannot totally remove their role - they are useful advisers whom people look up to, so they can be taught to advise the young initiates on safe sex and other healthy practices," he added.

The news about a national policy will be good news for many NGOs and medical practitioners who have been awaiting guidance on male circumcision. Among these is Marie Stopes Kenya, which started a pilot project on male circumcision in western Kenya a year ago using World Health Organization guidelines. The organisation is part of the national male circumcision task force.

Testing the waters

"Our pilot is a free mobile outreach, where a team of five members - a doctor, clinical officer, care assistant, nurse and driver - goes into various communities and sets up camp in a room at a local medical centre or in a tent, and invites people to come or bring their children for circumcision," said George Obhai, monitoring and evaluation manager at Marie Stopes Kenya.

Before the mobile team arrives, the local hospital or clinic is contacted to conduct community mobilisation, and on the day every man getting circumcised receives counselling from a trained member of staff before the procedure is carried out.

"Interestingly, many of the ideas people have about male circumcision work in our favour, even among the Luo; for example, people believe that it improves the sexual experience and that ladies prefer circumcised men," he added.

Obhai noted that male circumcision has not been a hard sell in western Kenya because the Luo, Teso and Suba are surrounded by circumcising communities, and many of them know people who have been circumcised. The HIV prevention benefits it offers, also made the practice popular in the region.

In four districts of Nyanza Province, more than 2,700 men have volunteered for circumcision through Marie Stopes since April 2007, and the numbers are increasing every month; 80 percent of the men and boys being circumcised are from traditionally non-circumcising communities.

But this success is not uniform; among the Turkana of northwestern Kenya, an isolated and very traditional society, it has been much harder to push the circumcision agenda.

"When we took the mobile team to Turkana last year, we got two cases on one outreach day, on another day we got three cases," Obhai said. "We pulled out because we simply didn't have the financial resources to justify continuing at the time, but once we are able to set up some more mobile teams we will go back to the region."

Marie Stopes also uses people from within the community as peer educators, and hopes to incorporate the traditional circumcisers into their programmes.

"In the past we have experienced resistance from them [traditional circumcisers], as we are perceived as trying to take away their source of income or their role in society," Obhai said. "For instance, in many areas, this coming August is a circumcising period, so we'd like to encourage them to maintain their role as counsellors and even pay them an allowance for that, but to bring the boys to the clinic for circumcision."

The pilot has been particularly successful in reaching rural populations with little access to modern medical facilities, and prisoners, who also lack access to healthcare. The social mobilisation is also being used as an entry point for education about the traditional ABC - Abstinence, Be faithful and use a Condom - prevention strategy, as well as as an avenue for promoting voluntary counselling and testing.

Marie Stopes' outreach has recorded five complications with the procedure in the year it has been operational - two adverse reactions to the anaesthetic and three post-op infections.

The organisation intends to replicate its mobile outreach across the country following the success of the Nyanza experience.

It is now illegal to encourage the use of condoms in southeast Nigeria’s Anambra State. The state government has also banned the advocacy and distribution of other forms of contraceptives including IUDs (intrauterine device) and any other “un-natural” birth control.

“Instead of teaching children how to use condoms to enjoy sex they should be taught total abstinence,” the state commissioner for health, Amobi Ilika said when announcing the measures in late March at the state capital, Awka. “The use of condoms has greatly encouraged immorality,” he said.

Many sociologists as well as family planning and AIDS support groups disagree. “I don’t think it's the right step," public affairs analyst Alphonsus Ofodile said. "Even if you ban the use of condoms, people will still have sex. So why would a responsible government want to discourage safe sex?”

More than 3 million people - 3.9 percent of the adult population - are living with HIV/AIDS in Nigeria. The rate is rising by around 300,000 people a year, according to a 2006 estimate by the joint UN programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS).

Condoms are openly available throughout Nigeria partly because the federal government, in partnership with family health organisations, has programmes to distribute and sell them. The programmes also produce public announcements on local radio and billboards advocating for the use of condoms.

Many religious groups around the country also back condom use, having recognised that messages urging abstinence have failed to yield the desired results.

The population of Anambra State are not known for habouring particularly fundamentalist beliefs but the ban may have been designed to appeal to local evangelical groups.

For Ofodile, the ban is just a way for the state government “to score a cheap political point". Anambra State has a history of political instability and violence and is now making “a desperate attempt to uphold morals”, he said.

Abortion

Besides making advocacy for contraception illegal, commissioner Ilika also railed against abortion. “Abortion is the greatest crime,” he said. “[All fetuses] must be allowed to live no matter the circumstances that led to the pregnancy, even rape.”

He added that medical practitioners in the state will face stiff penalties if they are caught carrying out abortions or any ‘anti-life’ activities. “The state government will withdraw the license of any medical personnel who flouts this directive and any hospital will be closed down.”

The commissioner did not specify how the state would punish shops and pharmacies caught selling condoms, or individuals caught using them.

New research from Somalia has debunked the long-held view that discussions about sex are off-limits in this conservative nation, opening the door to a deeper understanding of sexual behaviour patterns and the possibility of more tailored prevention strategies.

"It's not so much the 'what' of the message as it is the 'how'," said Adrienne Testa, lead researcher in a recent study by the International Organisation for Migration (IOM). "Choice of researchers is key: in the Somali context we found that women who are familiar with the community did very well; men found it acceptable to talk to female researchers and were open about the risk behaviours they engaged in."

Somalia's three geographical divisions - the self-declared Republic of Somaliland in the northwest, the self-declared autonomous region of Puntland in the northeast and south-central Somalia - have an average HIV prevalence of 0.9 percent, according to UNAIDS. However, recent data indicates that HIV infections are rising sharply in hotspots like the northwestern port town of Berbera, on the Red Sea.

The IOM study was conducted in conjunction with the AIDS Commissions of Somaliland, Puntland and south-central Somalia on behalf of UNAIDS, with funding from the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria and the World Bank.

Until now, chronic political instability, and perceptions that cultural and religious barriers were insurmountable, has prevented in-depth research into sexual risk-taking behaviours and HIV prevalence in Somalia.

IOM's study participants included sex workers and their clients, people living with HIV, immigrants, internally displaced people, truck drivers and fishermen. The researchers also spoke to government representatives, pharmacists, sellers of tea and khat (a mild stimulant widely chewed in the Horn of Africa), and their clients.

The findings were based on responses from in-depth one-on-one interviews with participants and, for the first time in the Somali context, sex-worker diaries, in which 13 sex workers - 11 women and two men - wrote detailed accounts of each client over a 28-day period. The diaries chronicled condom use, the number of visits by a particular client and the occupation of the client.

"These diaries were experimental and showed that it is possible, if logistically difficult, to get detailed, useful information on the sexual behaviour of sex workers and their clients," Testa said.

High levels of risk-taking behaviour

Most sex workers reported entering the commercial sex trade after the death of a parent, to escape domestic violence or disputes with step-parents. Many were separated from their husbands or widowed.

Few sex workers or clients in Somalia consistently used condoms and their perception of the HIV risk was often low. "In general, men don't want to use condoms; they are synonymous with illicit sex, such as sex outside marriage, sex before marriage or sex for money," Testa said.

Sometimes the sex workers were also reluctant to use condoms. "I'm sceptical about it [using condoms] and believe it causes diseases," one sex worker told researchers. "They [clients] were the ones that want to use them [condoms], and I used to let it go but I am the one that does not like to use it. I don't think I am at risk [of HIV infection] ... I don't engage with anyone who is infected and I never injected myself with a needle."

Somali sex workers often did not use condoms because their partners objected, they desired pregnancy or feared HIV infection from condoms; Ethiopian sex workers were generally better informed and more likely to use condoms, but said they weren't always available or were too expensive.

Obtaining condoms can be difficult in Somalia. Not all pharmacists stock them, and many who do will not sell them to women; when available, they can cost as much as US$2, compared with $0.25 in neighbouring Ethiopia and $0.15 in Kenya. Somali sex workers reported exchanging sex for as little as US$0.50, so purchasing condoms significantly reduced their earnings.

The survey also found that internally displaced women, illegal immigrants and street children were particularly vulnerable to sexual exploitation and HIV, often resorting to 'survival sex' to earn a living, with some women accepting food, items for their children or khat in exchange for sex.

People living with HIV told researchers they faced severe discrimination, with some being forced to move from place to place once local communities discovered their status.

What next?

Testa said the IOM data demonstrated an urgent need to find ways of sensitively engaging at-risk groups in the HIV response. IOM and its partners are now embarking on an ambitious bio-behavioural survey that will determine HIV prevalence and include a much larger-scale study of sexual behaviours among at-risk groups.

"We are trying to identify where the next 1,000 infections are going to come from, so prevention programmes can be targeted," said Greg Irving, IOM's HIV programme officer for East Africa.

Findings from the survey will serve as the basis for Somalia's new national strategic framework for HIV/AIDS. According to the UNAIDS country coordinator, Leo Kenny, the new strategic framework will shift to a response more targeted at the most at-risk populations, such as sex workers and truck drivers, who can act as bridges to the general population and may well be driving the Somali epidemic.

The bio-behavioural survey will be repeated over time to monitor trends and measure the success of HIV programmes.