So long a letter

In the beginning was the deed, and not the word, for the word came to name the deed. The human deed takes nine months to hatch; and after the joy, the feasting, and the naming, then the parenting (proper) begins. First, the cries, and the feeding, and the changing, constantly. Waking up at un-christian hours for one reason or another, and it doesn’t matter whether we are ill or well, the cries, the cries are always talking, telling us something which we have to second guess. After a while, we become cry savvy, as we learn, however imperfectly, to put or ascribe a cause or reason to a cry. But this stage is only a short distance from, "zaks, stop doing that", "zaks, be careful, you might hurt yourself", "please, zaks I’m tired", and "Oh zaks! You have broken it" – you’ve got the picture, the life of a parent is quite, quite unavoidably difficult. But before long, all that would turn to memories, to reminisce over in calmer days. Or at least that is the hope: to reminisce in calmer days, when the brood has left the nest, confident and educated and shinning with refined rectitude, you know, a cultured upbringing.

However, "out of the crooked timber of life, nothing straight can be wrought", or, if you prefer a cliché, the road to hell can be paved with the smoothest, the most virtuous intentions. The correlation between input and outcome is devilishly murky. And that makes the parenting process slightly trickier.

I was in the delivery room on that Friday morning (02.27), nearly 11 years ago, when my freshly-clayed treasure was born, my ‘sun’, my one and only (for now). And this is what I wrote in my diary on that day: "Ah! Sylvia Plath hit the right note: they take their place among the elements with a cry; a cry as much a breadth of nature as the rustling of the wind. And as though the cry itself is a kind of wind, it sent a frisson of inexpressible, sob-pregnant, joy to my heart.

If I were a poet, I would have written a sonnet about how the midwife snatched ma baby’s first cry, in mid air, wrapped it round the severed umbilical cord and coiled the cord around my heart (but I’m not a poet, so my joy shall be my sonnet)". Every parent, I think, feels similar sentiments with the birth of a first child. It feels like a rite of passage: son becomes father and daughter becomes mother, while still retaining the status of being a son or a daughter. This gives the ego or the self a sense of extension, the sense that we have thrown in our lot into the great flow of life.

As he weeks roll into months, the cry which first gave us joy, now would not let us rest, and as the months gather into years, we face at each step different challenges to our efforts to instil discipline and a sense of initiative in them. The nappies and the baby food and the baby clothes, and the toys (you continue he list), would also have taken their punishing toll on our pockets and purses, before they turn five. So, I repeat, the life of a parent is quite, quite unavoidably difficult. But I shall insist in this essay that the life of a child is twice score more difficult than the most dedicated parent’s.

Their long-drawn – out helplessness together with "the psychological dangers of a physically intimate family life", leaves them entirely at our mercy. From the perspective of the child, the family is an "intensive care unit", and nothing short of a careful dedication by the parent would serve the child’s interest. But, just as there are good people and there are bad people, so there are good parents and there are not so good parents. And perhaps more dishearteningly: even good parents can make honest, but damaging, mistakes. To a cynic, its all in the luck of the draw, the "natural lottery".

The values we put into our children, and the methods we use to put those values in them, are, in many ways, largely determined by the prescriptions and precepts of the society we belong to. As a grown up, now, I’m struck by the disquieting pun on the wollof word "yarr": it suggests both "cane" and "upbringing".

And as a kid, then, I had my share of lashings at the hand of this pun. Maybe it’s a generational thing, because when I had my one, I decided to relieve the pun of its double-edged unease: I gave "cane" a retirement a well-deserved retirement, given that it’s been at it for centuries; "straightening" generations of kids out, and from all the hard work, it s back gave in, and it became "bent" itself. In our "culture" it’s apparently still OK to hit our children, when they misbehave. We do so, the wisdom goes, for their own benefit (spare the rod and spoil the child). And whatever we call "cultural", we often feel reluctant to critique. This view, perhaps unwittingly, assumes that the "wisdom" of my "culture" is complete and settled and timeless.

But should we stop for a moment, and look again, we might get to see that our culture or any culture, if it is to last into the deep future, may have to learn a whole lot of new things along the way. When we inherit a tradition, we do not commemorate it by tagging along behind it, and taking our orientation from the writings on its back; rather, we commemorate a tradition by giving it a new opening on to the future. Caning, or corporal punishment belongs to an expired mode of thought. It was born in a "geocentric world", and shares all the inaccuracies of that world. This is a typical father of that world: austere and remote, with a personality so immense that he has no need to be consistent, and yet never ceases to be right, for his "right is founded not in thought but in his person".

The letter in the title of this essay is a sealed one. We know only that it contains our childhood memories. And it is sealed because our childhood memories are "elicited only when childhood is already past". We get to know our sealed inheritance, as it were, when we’re all grown up. We may not know what furies or mercies are sealed in our letters, so to speak, but we know that "memory discovers personality". And since Freud, we appreciate a lot more now the significance of childhood memories in the formation of the adult character. In general, "it is no longer possible to doubt the importance precisely of the first few years, of our childhood".

Our extended family system is a wonderful network of relationships which provides rich and fulfilling family life to many. But, like any institution, it is also susceptible to abuse. With our social hierarchies and stratifications, we tend to put some on a pedestal, and others, underfoot, as though the others were doormats. If it is not the jokey insults, it is the public embarrassments or the delicate contempt, or the clench-teeth tenderness, all of which keep eating away at one’s sense of self. When a child finds herself in such circumstances, and later on opens her "letter" and be greeted by the furies, society will crown her with a blame all her own.

Our need for vigilance, as parents, has never been more urgent than it is today. The internet and satellite TV, for instance, have transformed quite radically the horizon of our kids’ world. And "ideas" have a habit of surreptitiously creeping into kids’ heads, without the parents noticing. Their emotional and psychological vulnerabilities make them easy prey to all kinds of influences. Furthermore, they are more self-scrutinising these days, and therefore more judgemental, whether of themselves or of others.

When the judgement is severe and is directed inwards, it is then all too easy for them to let the best of themselves slip away. The unfavourable opinions of grown-ups give them a bad opinion of themselves, and then they internalise the opinions to their detriment. Tradition will for a time resist the overtures of a new ethos, but we must stand our ground, faithful to the belief that, our process of social development can displace stock – responses and brings it about that people become averse to what they had previously tolerated.

Caning, and certain forms of adult treatment of children rob them of their confidence and turn them into timid adults; and other forms of treatment turn them into revengefully aggressive adult misfits. No doubt, we as parents deserve respect for all the pains we go through during the long socialisation process. But equally true, is that they also deserve our gratitude. And we show our gratitude by being gentler with them, "authority need not be authoritarian". Thinking outside the box is not necessarily a violation of the box but a mere extension of its boundaries; an enlarging of our experience. To modernise our attitudes is a sign of strength, not of weakness.

The front pages of newspapers in The Gambia these days are increasingly becoming commonplaces for stories that unleash shredding displeasure. The frequency of reported murder crimes, if truth should be told, calls for urgent attention, especially from those constitutionally entrusted to protect life and property.

The other day, it was in Berending that some beastly human being hacked a helpless old mama to death; and just few weeks after, as if Gambians had not had enough, a similar act of barbarity occurred. This time it is further inland, in the village of Kuntaur, where an Imam was killed in a most grueling of manners. According to reports, all these deaths happened in some obscure circumstances.

It is not the nature of obscurity surrounding these mishaps that arouses our concern; its far from that. It is a fact that these incidents happen so frequently. But, more importantly, it is that they are happening in this Gambia of ours, a country that has made name for itself globally for its enviable culture of serenity and unimaginable hospitality.

Some of our local readers may have derived some level of delight from occasional complementary remarks by outsiders about the peaceful nature of our country. This only reinforces the fact that the name, the ‘Smiling Coast of Africa’, did not just come spontaneously; the country, thanks to its people, earned it truly.

But unfortunately, this peace we have learned to cherish is under threat. As such, it is the duty of all to nurture and defend it. When it comes to the security of the nation, every Gambian should regard themselves as police of some sort. Whether The Gambia remains a peaceful place or not, it is not only for a section of society; it is for all of us. In the same vein, it is incumbent upon all to safeguard the tradition of peace and security we know in this country.

However, it’s worth mentioning for all to understand that the Gambia Police Force cannot do this all by itself; it needs the full support of the masses. But, of course, the degree of collaboration they get depends on their level of readiness to share information with key institutions. The media comes into focus here. We must, at this juncture, welcome and congratulate Ensa Badjie, the newly appointed police boss, for the trust and confidence he has earned himself, which has warranted his ascension to this level. It is suffice to note that his appointment is rooted from the level of quality of service he has been rendering to the nation. It is however worth mentioning that there is absolutely no room for complacency. The press needs his reciprocal support if we are to make the difference. IGP Badjie’s success depends, to a great extent, on a cordial relationship with members of the press. Unnecessarily suppressing information that is worth releasing foments dangerous speculations, especially from the enemy press.   

We do hope that Badjie’s appointment will mark the beginning of a renewed vigor against crime in this country.

The National Coordinator for Tostan in The Gambia, Mr. Bakary Tamba, has recently returned from Italy.  He was there for a ten-day Sensitization program concerning Female Genital Mutilation (FGM).

In an exclusive interview with The Point at Tostan’s headquarters in Kololi, Mr. Tamba said he started working with Tostan in Cassamance.  There he worked with a regional coordinator where they issued declarations in December 2003 on FGM to 118 villages after which he said the villages accepted to stop practicing FGM.  “Since then people’s relatives residing in Italy heard about our work through the Internet and asked us about it.  Some even came home to find that their parents had stopped practicing FGM and wanted to know how we had convinced them to stop this barbaric tradition.  I told them about our efforts in Cassamance and showed them the film, which they in turn took to Italy.  They showed it to their organization called “Jamoral” or the association of Jolas and other Africans in Italy led by Lamin Jarju who invited me to the conference.”

Mr. Tamba then disclosed that the association is planning to get other African Countries like Nigeria, Egypt, Niger, Mali, and more involved in their sensitization program within the next six months.  “Among other things we discussed the SMS program that Tostan is planning which would introduce new mobile phones so that our people can spread our ideas using many different languages.  We also touched on the rights of children and health.”

The conference was organized by Maria Pupo; the director of Anastasia.

The Inter African Committee on Traditional Practices (IAC) recently ended a two-day regional media workshop in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. In her welcoming address the executive director, Mrs. Berhane Ras- Work, has said that the IAC realizes the strong potential of the media to promote positive values and norms while discouraging negative attitudes that violate basic human rights principles. “At the international level the universality and indivisibility of human rights principles have been confirmed and accepted. Based on this confirmation, international and regional instruments have been developed and adopted. Despite this encouraging development, violation and violence against women still persist.”

In order to close the gap between agreed principles, policy and actions for the protection of women and girls, Mrs. Ras-Work noted that the media can play a crucial role through information and communication, “harmful traditional practices flourish in the fertile ground of ignorance in which she said the lives of women and girls are governed by die-hard negative traditional values since women are deprived of information and education on their basic rights to their health and general well being,” she emphasized.

Mrs. Ras-Work however disclosed that, the mobilization and involvement of both modern and traditional media for the introduction of positive values and change, are among their priority list of actions. The workshop, she added, was organized to create close working relationships with the media for the promotion of gender equality through the eradication of harmful attitudes and practices, such as female genital mutilation.  “If we all join hands and work towards impacting positive social change, African women and girls will live in a healthy society where they can contribute fully towards the achievement of the millennium development goals”.

In her presentation on the role of the media in the campaign to eliminate FGM and other harmful traditional practices, Ms Helen Ovbiagele, woman editor, the vanguard newspaper Nigeria, told the participants that culture always has been the backbone of the African people for centuries. She said culture has been the oil in the machinery that ran the tribes and ethnic groups in ways that were supposed to be in the best interest of the people in the social, religious and moral areas. Ms Ovbiagele noted that our culture also ensures that the young respect the old, and courtesy she said is taught from early childhood, “ so that we can have a well-ordered society. Good moral values are cherished in the African culture, though rules concerning these are mainly made, with the aim of keeping the women folk in check. Interaction with the western world, however, has re-educated us about some parts of our culture, particularly with regards to the areas concerning women”. Some of these cultural practices, she said, are:

Female genital mutilation (FGM) and this she said occurs mostly during the early months of the female child’s life, “we’re told that this is to check sexual promiscuity among girls as it reduces their desire for sex, and sexual pleasure. Apart from the excruciating pain inflicted on the girls who are circumcised, some girls lose their lives due to infection from wounds, while some are maimed for life. There’s no evidence that girls who are circumcised have better moral values, and make more faithful wives than those who are not; so, it’s a dangerous practice which serves no purpose.

Harmful widowhood rites- in some African cultures, when a married man dies, whatever his age, is imperative to find out if his wife has caused his death by supernatural means, so, she is subjected to harmful and humiliating rites; like going to walk round his grave several times and cry in the middle of the night; drinking the water that has been used in washing his corpse; sitting and sleeping on a mat on the floor for several months, having the hair shaved, etc., Each ethnic group has its own peculiar rites. If a widow dies within six months of the death of her husband, then it could be assumed that she was responsible for his death and her death proved that she was guilty. The trauma of losing her husband, combined with the obnoxious rites she had been subjected to, could easily lead to the widow’s death. On the other hand, if a married woman dies, “it’s her own rotten luck, and the widower is not accused of being responsible for her death, even if he had been an irresponsible husband and father, a drunk and a wife batterer and child abuser. Rather, he gets a lot of sympathy and he’s encouraged to take another wife as soon as convenient so that he doesn’t suffer’.

The 22nd July Square and Fajara War Cemetery, were yesterday, the venues for activities marking the celebration of Remembrance Day. 

As a tradition of reminding the nation’s youth about the significance of World Wars I and II, the event was graced by Her Excellency Isatou Njie-Saidy, Vice-President of the Republic of The Gambia, Phil Sinkinson OBE, British High Commissioner to the Gambia, Hon. Fatoumata Jahumpa Ceesay, Speaker of the National Assembly, representatives of the Government of The Gambia, the CDS, IGP, DGs, religious leaders, members of The Gambia Legion and Commonwealth ex-Services League, as well as members of the Diplomatic and Consular Corps and a cross-section of the community.

In his introductory remarks, Lt Alhagie Sanneh, public relations officer of the Gambia Armed Forces, elaborated on the significance of the day. According to him, the event is meant "to pay respect to those brave men and women who stood up against tyranny for the freedom of human kind."  He went on to say that "it is a special day set aside to remember all those men and women who were killed during the two World Wars and other conflicts. At one time, the day was known as a Armistice Day and was renamed Remembrance Day, after the Second World War."

Getting back to history, Lt Sanneh indicated that "the First WW had brought about the mobilisation of 70 million people, leaving between nine and 13 million dead and perhaps as many as one third with no known graves. The Allied Nations, comprising countries such as Great Britain, America, France, Canada and other Commonwealth countries, including The Gambia, chose this day and time for the commemoration of the war dead."

Lt Sanneh also described the day as a great moment to recognize the tradition of freedom these men and women fought to preserve. He said: "they believed that their actions would make significant difference for the future, but it is up to us to ensure that their dreams of peace are realized. On Remembrance Day, we acknowledge the courage and sacrifices of all those who serve humanity and we also acknowledge our responsibility to work for the peace they fought hard to achieve."

For his part, Alhagi Papa Ebrima Njie, President of The Gambia Legion Association, said the reason for the parade was to ensure that Gambian students do not forget that millions of men and women across the globe fought valiantly to defend and protect democracy, especially during the perilous times of World War I and II. He thanked President Yahya Jammeh for the unflinching support he graciously continues to provide to their Association. He also expressed similar sentiments to the British Commonwealth Ex-Services League.

In a similar vein, Phil Sinkinson OBE, British High Commissioner to The Gambia pointed out the universal dimension of this commemorative ceremony which marks the ending of World Wars I and II. He said: "The eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month attained a special significance in the post-war years. The moment hostilities ceased became universally associated with the remembrance of those who had died in the war."

The central element of Remembrance Day ceremonies are the two minutes of silence as was observed at both the  July 22nd Square and the Fajara Commonwealth War Cemetery, followed by the laying of wreaths on the cenotaph by Vice-President Njie-Saidy, and  High Commissionner Sinkinson; Brigadier-General Lang Tombong Tamba, Chief of Defense Staff; Benedict Jammeh, Inspector General of Police; Papa Ebrima Njie, president of The Gambia Legion Association and the Boys Scout Association.

Human rights advocates in Nigeria are voicing alarm about recent arrests of cross-dressing men and of women allegedly wearing ‘indecent’ clothes, saying the arrests could signal a deterioration of civil rights.

In the mostly Muslim city of Bauchi in northern Nigeria, 18 men were arrested last month while dressed up as women. In the country’s biggest and traditionally more permissive Christian city, Lagos, scores of women have been arrested in recent weeks for allegedly dressing indecently.

“The reports from Bauchi and Lagos are worrying,” said Waheed Lawal, an Abuja-based lawyer and member of Civil Rights Congress, a local rights group. “They could have implications for the rights of ordinary people.”

He and other human rights activists warn that state and federal officials are eroding basic civil liberties by re-activating archaic and sometimes defunct laws.

In Bauchi police raided a party at a hotel on 4 August, claiming that men there were planning a group same-sex wedding. The men were taken to an Islamic court in Bauchi and charged with sodomy – an offence punishable by death under Muslim law.

Traditional tolerance

Most of those arrested were held until 21 August after which they were charged with the lesser crime of soliciting homosexual sex which is punishable by one year in jail and 30 lashes. But they were all freed on bail later the same day.

While northern Nigeria is seen as the most conservative part of the country, a tradition of transvestism in many cities has been tolerated.  

Lawal accused the state government – one of 12 in Nigeria's mainly Muslim north to have adopted the Shariah code – of whipping up hostile sentiments against the suspects.

“I see a case here of overzealous law enforcement infringing on civil rights,” he said.

Lagos

Lawal expressed similar concerns over the action of police who arrested scores of women in Lagos in August on allegations of either ‘indecent dressing’ or ‘wandering’, a term from a law that was repealed more than a decade ago. Some police still apply the law defunct law wittingly, or unwittingly, civil rights lawyers say.

Most of the women arrested were held without charges beyond the two days stipulated under the law and some were allegedly raped, abused and forced to pay bribes.
 
Lagos Police Commissioner Muhammed Abubakar told journalists on 31 August that he had never given a directive to police to arrest women for indecent dressing or ‘wandering’, and called on members of the public to report any cases of police harassment.